"I dig out the pictures, stare into the faces, which one was I? Survivors
do hate themselves, I know, over the core of fierce self-love, never
understanding, always asking, “Why me and not her, not him?” There is such
mystery in it, and I have hated myself as much as I have loved others, hated
the simple fact of my own survival. Having survived, am I supposed to say something,
do something, be something?"
Dorothy Allison's short story 'River of Names' is bold, violent, grotesque and flat out barbaric. Each passage of her story gave me chills. Each death was descriptive, yet simply revealed among several others on the narrator's list. The author's writing style locked me in from beginning to end, but the passage above caught my eye significantly and kept me thinking long after the story was over.
In this passage, the narrator reveals her raw feelings of why she ended up being the lone survivor of the family. Should she be receiving praise for her accomplishment of escaping this malicious lifestyle amongst her family members? Her love for others, such as her girlfriend Jesse is as passionate as her hatred towards herself. Her isolation from the violence should be a triumph, but it consequently has become a set back for her to move on happily.
In this passage, as the reader, I pointed out her repetition of 'survival' and 'hate'. Both words hold a strong meaning to the narrator and when Allison repeats them, it caught my attention to the emotion behind the writing. Surviving a tragedy or obstacle is looked at positively, but the narrator truly believes her survival was falsely handed over. Why was it she and not one of her cousins that suffered such brutality? She was viciously raped and beaten by her stepfather in her mother's bed repeatedly; yet she still does not praise her own survival.
Closing the passage, the narrator says "...am I supposed to say something, do something, be something? The narrator 'says something' by not saying anything at all. If her sensitivity of the matter is exposed, for example when she woke up screaming in bed, she covers it up with humor. The comfort and sympathy Jesse wants to give to the narrator is constantly rejected. She says nothing about her genuine feelings and continues telling theses stories because she has "such a fascination with violence."
She questions if she should become something, yet she holds on to these horrific memories that hold her back from a future with her lover. These memories will never disappear, but continuing to tell these stories to get a laugh from whoever wants to listen will keep her from being something she truly deserves.
The names of the narrator's family hold such an impact on her life, however, why did Dorothy Allison not name the narrator herself?
It's interesting that you chose to focus in on the main character of this story because most of The River of Names focuses on all of her family members. I don't know why she feels guilty and "unworthy" of being a survivor because it's not like she didn't go through any painful experiences. You made a good point that she had been raped and beaten repeatedly by her stepfather. Maybe it's sort of a defense mechanism to blame herself for the deaths and hardships of her family members because she's trying to search for answers as to why any of these horrible things would happen to her loved ones. In reality, there is no logical answer and I wish she could realize that none of these things are her fault. Maybe then she would be able to move on with her life and be open to Jesse's love.--Lily von der Lieth
ReplyDeleteI Liked how you chose this passage from the whole short story. The main reason why is because this passage also stood out to me when I was reading this story. If you read the authors bio and do a little more in depth research about her she is a very pro women person. Also the author is like the main character as well as the fact that she is a lesbian. The reason why I think she put that "...am I supposed to say something, do something, be something?" in the short story because she was the survivor to tell us about ("say"), write a short story so many of people know of this ("do") and she is a lesbian allowing her to not reproduce and have the chance of this happening to her and her children.
ReplyDeleteThe way you compared the narrators affection towards her loved ones to her overall need to hate herself really took me by surprise! When I first read River of Names, I did not acknowledge that those two characteristics sum up the majority of our narrator however I most certainly agree with you. The emotions that the narrator experiences through out the story is a way of revealing her true self, which is not something she'll allow around the people she loves.
ReplyDeleteYou brought up some really thought provoking points in this blog post. The narrator is a survivor, yes, but she seems so haunted by her pasts it's almost crippling. When reading the story, I sensed she felt somewhat guilty for her survival. She almost isn't really sure what to do with it. It's also strange concept how someone can reject affection and care when they need it the most.
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